Out of the Blues
Happy New Month, Belated Happy Easter…happy everything that’s passed in the past one month. I know I haven’t written for a while, and I’ve got a few reasons for that.
- It was a political time, and I am not much of a political person, so I shied away from that
- I was really, really busy at work and at home, and with Amazing Girl activities
- That I was going through a thing – which is perhaps the only valid reason here.
When I’m going through a ‘thing’, I wonder if it’s best to write about it then, or perhaps if it’s better to write about it later, citing the lessons. That way it won’t come across as a complaining or bitter write-up, because I intend to be an encourager when I write to you.
I got a number of comments on my not writing, and so I take it that I should have kept up with it. Well, as much as I try to be an encourager, I have also learnt a few things, things that I plan to put in practise, such as:-
- I am only human, and I too, can have troubles
- Feeling bad during those troubles is okay. It is only natural.
- Everyone goes through hard times, even those in ministry or leadership positions
- The best thing to do is to accept reality as it is, and then make the best of our various situations
And so what have I been doing as I have been going through my ‘thing’?
- Praying. Lots of prayer. It helps to know that God listens, and does something about it. It also draws me closer to God when I pray.
- Reading God’s word. I’ve been particularly going through the book of Genesis, focusing on chapters 2 to 6 at this time, and I have gotten a lot of encouragement that there is hope for my situation!
- Allowing God to minister to me through others. I’ll tell you what, as a pastor’s wife, and as a (ministry and other) leader, it is hard to accept help, because it is a display of vulnerability, in this case read failure. Failure how?
- As if God has not been able to take good enough care of you
- As though you are representing God badly – in an insufficient manner
- As though you are presenting the pastor in bad light, and again, consequently, God, as incapable of taking care of you
- Going contrary to the myth of perfection in leaders’ lives
- And so many other reasons that generally make it look bad to appear imperfect.
- So what have I done in this and how has God blessed me?
- I have played the actress – smiling and all, and kept a good front
- But God has seen through the mask, and brought people my way, people who have simply started speaking words of life to me. Some of these people are strangers, who just come with the perfect bible verses, or simply share their lives with me and I am able to glean a host of lessons for them. Some will just walk up to me and pray with me out of the blues. Some will tell me they’ve been praying for me, and then give me impressions of what God has in store for me. Some will simply walk up to me and hold my hand, smile, then go. Some will hug me then go. I don’t understand this love, but I sure love it!
- The ladies’ conference at our church during Easter was a particularly encouraging encounter. I had a lot of unexpected answers to many questions I had. I am emboldened by the lessons we learnt there.
- But the cream of it all is a lady who just came and said she wants to mentor me, that I can be open to her about what’s going on in my life, and that I should not be embarrassed about it, and that I can ask her any question and she’ll respond, any time of day or night. I’ve had a couple of those, but the startling thing about this one is that it happened at a point when I had totally given up, thrown in the towel and had purposed to enjoy zombie-ing around in my life, till Jesus comes, or till He calls me, whichever would be the sooner. It was at the darkest point in my life, and she simply walked up to me and said that. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that, but as proof, she’s been all there and out of her way to show God’s love to me. She’s been my lifeline. My encourager. And I thank God for her.
So as I continue to go through this my ‘thing’, I am convinced that there is hope for me. And then God continues to bring girls my way, girls who need help. This helps to turn my attention from my pity party to their true critical situation. And then God’s power is shown through me, even in my time of weakness.
God can come through for you too, even in your lowest times. And then still work through you. I think I’ll be writing honestly about what’s going on, without the fear of losing the ‘perfect’ look. Because I am not perfect. I am human and vulnerable, and only mortal. But God loves me just the way I am, and even with my imperfections, or weaknesses (such as Moses’ stamm’ring toungue), He still wants to use me. So I will let Him, because in Him is the greatest fulfilment. And this is true for you, too.
And just in case you are going through a ‘thing’ too, here’s a mighty big hug, just for you.